Weekends are kinda nuts around here. Depending on how many kids we have for the weekend (we had 6 kids over last Friday night which means we had 10 kids in our house!), we may be exhausted with blankets over our heads when Hudson comes storming in bright and early, and there’s always something to work on outside AND inside our home (2 acres may not seem like much but it’s a lot of work y’all!). So unfortunately we tend to have an unexcused absence form church come Sunday morning. And to be totally honest, sometimes Matt goes to the early service and let’s me sleep in. (Bad wife move I know!) And I also like going to my Buti Yoga class Sunday mornings… Priorities right? Oh the struggle.
Making it to church more often is one of my goals (I believe God wants us to fellowship and worship together, it can be so powerful), but being deeper in the word is a big one too. My daily devotionals don’t always cut it, and truth be told, even though every morning my She Reads Truth app reminds me, I’m not reading it every single day. Tisk, tisk!
I’ve always been a little rebellious against the ‘legalistic’ view of God and religion. As soon as I hear I HAVE to do this, or IF you do that you won’t make it to Heaven, blah blah blah, I run for the hills! I get anxiety and know I can never live up too these expectations, I mean, I screw up DAILY! And instead of not letting that stuff affect me, I start to pull away out of fear and guilt, and focus on other silly earthly things instead of my true relationship with God. So this crazy circle happens and I’m spinning my wheels over and over. It looks something like this : being securely in the word > trusting in God > allowing God to work through me > then daily distractions start to roll in > creeping guilt and shame > trying to do everything on my own > pulling away > focused on other stuff > feeling lost > back to prayer and repentance > back in the word > feeling secure in the word > trusting in God etc etc. Do you see the pattern? Who else struggles with this? Anyone?….. Don’t leave me hangin! 😉
So then Grace slaps me in the face! Well, it doesn’t really but it’s a beautiful wake up call! Instead of being stuck in the guilt of wishing I was this, or needing to do that, maybe I should be this way, etc etc, I remind myself that God doesn’t want us to pursue Him out of guilt. He wants us to pursue a relationship with Him out of desire. The desire to be closer to Him, the desire to know Him better. He doesn’t want our ‘perfect’ actions, He wants our imperfect hearts. He wants us to turn to Him for guidance and help, because being stuck in guilt and shame will always have us running away from Him, but knowing His love will have us running towards Him. In the midst of what ever ‘season’ or struggle we’re in, I encourage us all to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. To accept His love and be real with Him. We will never be perfect, but He will always be perfect for us. And even though I struggle with making it to church as often as I would like, I know God still loves me the same.
I find it so important to keep things REAL. Everyone’s life can look so ‘perfect’ from the outside and it can leave us searching for that perfection or wondering if it’s really even real. It’s easy to get caught up in my fashion and other lifestyle blog posts, but the realness in my life really outweighs the pretty outfits and picture perfect moments with my family. This is one reason why I love the Sunday Seven part of my blog, because often times it’s where I share more of my personal life and struggles, weaknesses, fears etc.
So I’d love to hear from you and what some of your weaknesses, fears etc. may be. And I’d also love some feedback on what you’d like to read about in my Sunday Seven posts. I look forward to hearing from you!