This last month has been an emotional roller coaster for me and I can’t take much more! Besides the fact that I always feel like I’m a walking, raging HORMONE, my oldest son turned 14 (my baby girl also turned 12 in June, ugh!), I have a 7th and 8th grader who don’t need me walking them into school on the first day anymore, they have lockers, agendas and class schedules, my step son is going into 5th grade and terrified of his new ex-military sergeant teacher, and my sweet baby boy is turning 3, which means he’s practically a teenager too! Maybe if I wasn’t having hot flashes and an extra 5 lbs to lose, I could handle this a lot easier! I mean, can I get a WITNESS?!! Who else out there is struggling with their kids growing up? And if early menopause is knocking on my door, my poor family is really in for it! 😉
It’s so fun to see my kids’ personalities evolve, to experience their passions and see what moves them. Austin is really into anime, funny (and not so funny) vines and air soft guns. He has such a fun sense of humor and the biggest, kindest heart. EllaBleu has such a passion for life, Jesus, and she is so honest and strong willed. She loves trying new things, new sports, and really has an old soul, she amazes me everyday. Grayson is strong, sensitive, always wanting to do the right thing, and has the most caring personality and loves downhill mountain biking (eeeek!). And Hudson…….. He is a ball of fire! He’s funny, an adventurist, and a sweet cuddly little love bug. He escapes out of the house whenever he gets the opportunity and keeps this mama on her toes! I’m constantly kissing him and Matt asks me all of the time why I don’t kiss him like that too, hahaha!
As much as I enjoy seeing my kids grow up and watching them grow into themselves and their personalities, sometimes I just want to rewind the clock and start over. I would love them harder, be more patient and tell them every single day how proud I am of them. A friend of mine once told me how important it is to tell your kids how important they are, how much they’re loved and just how PRECIOUS they are. Thank you to Parrish for reminding me of how important it is to love on my kids every single day, no matter how old they are!
As I try to take the focus off of me and how depressing the reality of my kids growing up is, I try and turn my focus on the Lord and know and trust that He has great things in store for them. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not the one in control. I’m not in control of their future, but my God given job and privilege, as their Mother, is to guide them. I can’t make them be who I want them to be, but I’m an example, and I often need to remind myself that they’re watching every move I make! (Which is extremely terrifying!) One of my clients once told me “be the woman your daughter will become and the woman your son will marry someday”. That helps me remember that I am setting an example in every decision I make, and action I take. I’m the first woman in their lives, the one who teaches them manners, respect for themselves and others, compassion, love, humbleness, kindness and self control. (Fail, fail and FAIL!) Thank God for prayer, repentance and forgiveness! 😉
I’ve realized with faith and asking God for guidance, it makes my job SOOOOO much easier. It’s not easy for me to give up control and completely 100% put my faith in God, its actually harder! When I think of the definition of faith, I believe it’s believing in the un-known or unseen; complete trust in someone or something, and for control freaks like me, thats really freakin hard to do! But, when I do, I finally have peace. Peace in my heart that my kids are protected, they’re safe and God has big plans for their life.
I pray that we as mothers and parents can all find peace in our children’s paths and hand up our fears to the Lord, because ultimately, He’s the one in control. 🙂