I’ve been a mom for almost 16 years…. 16 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the heck did the time go?! Everyone said to would go fast, but when you’re in the middle of it (especially the toddler and teenager years) it seems like the days go by sooooo sloooooooowwwwwww, am I right or am I right?
I (unexpectedly) got pregnant with my oldest son Austin when I was 17 years old… thats right, I said 17! I was a senior in high school and dating my off again/ kind of on again high school sweetheart. We were wild, reckless and irresponsible, but I was so widely in love. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew we would get married and live happily ever after (NOT!) … I mean, what 17 year old girl doesn’t want that someday. It happened a heck of a lot faster than I expected but I was determined to make it work and make the best out of our new reality. (I plan on writing a separate blog post about my experience being a teen mom soon) Our marriage crumbled shortly after we had our daughter EllaBleu and I became a single mom of a 1 year old and 3 year old at 21 years old. Ummmm, that was NOT part the plan!
I was a single mom for almost 7 years, I worked my a** off and made a lot of stupid mistakes (I feel like I lived an entire lifetime in my 20’s haha!) but my kids ALWAYS came first. I met Matt right before my 28th birthday and let me just tell you, God’s timing is always perfect. Austin was 9 and EllaBleu was 7 and they were ecstatic when they met Matt and Grayson (who was almost 6 at the time). They wanted us to get married right away… and when we did 1 year later, they wanted our old life back haha! (I will also talk about this in the other post) Hudson came along exactly 9 months after we got married (he was conceived 2 weeks after our wedding date!!!!) Becoming a mom again at almost 30 was a completely different experience, I also didn’t think I was ever going to have anymore kids so I was in a little state of confusion. When he came along life settled down in some areas and got completely chaotic in others (4 kids is so.much.work!) As time goes on, I am realizing how much I need a little chaos in my life in order to function, but also how much I missed out on focusing on some of the most important things when Austin and Ella were little, and again with Hudson.
Being a mom has taught me so much about myself. It’s brought out the best but also the worst in me, motherhood can be summed up in two words: CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. Can I get a witness?! It’s the craziest and most beautiful experience in the world. Watching my kids grow up also brings out some mom guilt and being more preset with my kids in the past (and present) is a priority of mine now. I only have a few more years with Austin and Ella at home and I literally feel this pain in my chest and a pit in my stomach every time I think about it. I pray pray pray for my kids every singe day, I worry, I stress and I dwell on stuff that really doesn’t deserve the energy. Any other mamas out there with this problem?! I pray and try to hand it all over to God but then I still find myself freaked out and frantic over silly things.
I’ve decided to commit to myself and my children to really try and look through their lenses. To get on their level of thinking, seeing and believing, so that I can understand them better. Our 4 kids are all so different therefor we have to parent them different, but something that will always remain the same is their need for love and affection. Their dire need for understanding, acceptation and unconditional love. These are things we ALL need and yearn for and when our kids are full of these things at home, they exude healthy self confidence. I’ve unfortunately learned this the hard way, but it’s not too late…. lets live in the belief that it’s never too late to make a change. Look at Paul (who was named Saul before he became a Christian) in the New Testament. His story is told in Acts and Romans and if you haven’t read it, it is SO good. He went from being a king of sorts and persecuting Christians, to spreading the love of Christ throughout the world. It’s not too late to relate to our kids!
So today I challenge you to try and start seeing the world through your children’s eyes and see what doors open for your relationship with them, no matter how old they are. I hope you have a blessed Sunday and thank you so much for reading!